All this mating/matching blah blah yada yada? How many of us have parents that are happy together after years of: struggle together, kids, broken dreams, unsatisfactory endings to stories they've been writing since their imagination blossomed? Children used to be the reason for marriage, right? Why did people start getting married in the first place? There's a thesis topic just waiting to be plucked up.
Being in relationships equals pain and heartbreak. It also equals joy and laughter. The exact amount of all of the wonderful and terrible has to be balanced in a precarious harmony otherwise disaster will strike. The balance is so very easily knocked askew. One has to wonder why we keep coming back for more after getting the formulas wrong time and time again.
Part one of the formula has something to do with fantasy. For you to be attracted to someone they have to fulfill some kind of fantasy of yours--that is to say, they have to have a quality that you've always thought made a "perfect person". Maybe it's the way they dress, their job, their smile, eyes, ass, voice, love of Robert Goulet or what have you. Whatever it is, no matter how slight--it's a quality you prize over others. You spot that quality in a person and ZING you're attracted to them. For some people their has to be multiple 'fantasy qualities' in order for their zing to zang. For others, just wink and a smile is enough.
Part two has to be the "mesh". Do you mesh well with this other person with whom you've found yourself attracted? Can you talk to each other for longer than 5 minutes? Although talking isn't the only kind of meshing two people can do. And I ain't even talkin' bout sexing. (Though sexing is a very important aspect not to mesh up...) Can you be around one another without feeling obligated to fill the silence? Can you just sit and watch tv together? Or have a meal or read a book in the same room comfortably. If all you can think about is how he clacks the spoon against his teeth when he eats cereal or how she can't possibly NOT hear the way her nose whistles when she breathes--you've got a non-meshing situation on your hands. A non-mesh negates the fantasy qualities. No matter how long you try to kid yourself, whistling Dixie's rack and apple pie ain't gonna cut it.
Part three is the "mystery flavor". Remember the little Dum Dum suckers? You know the kind made out of real sugar that turns into glass shards that shred your mouth after you suck on them for 5 minutes? They always had that mystery flavored kind that came in a wrapper covered in purple question marks. Well that purple question mark lurks in the soul of your potential match. Once you have part one and part two all nailed down, it's the elusive third part that will make or break a paring. I can't even give you an example of it, because it's undefinable in its beauty and intensity. Sometimes the mystery flavor is so strong that it too will try and overrule the other two parts. Throwing it's weight around, trying to be a boss--but those pesky other parts are stubborn. They won't be muscled over! I think this third part is often overlooked, or easily dismissed because parts one and two appear to be so seamlessly put together. "He's a doctor! For kids! And baby animals! Who never needed braces! On the rowing team! Who loves his family! Writes poetry and short stories! And services me orally 3 times a day! But...." But there's something missing. You don't know what it is. You just know that his story's only a two parter.
Maybe being human and self aware is a curse. We know we can and will die. We question our purpose in life. We can talk. We created a hamburger with more calories than you need to eat in a week, and priced it under 5 dollars.
Love of my life--you'd better be as good as that fuckin' burger.
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