Dating Nirvana

I've been on the fringe of dozens of relationships.

I mean that literally.

Not the verge, not the precipice, but the fringe. I've been a kind of "fly on the wall" for countless friends' relationships. An amateur therapist of sorts for pals: guys, gays, and gals, alike. And it seems to me that the bottom line is this:

Relationships are hard work.

But hard work is rewarding as hell, so saying relationships are hard work shouldn't really deter anyone who doesn't expect life to be handed to them with easy to follow instructions downloadable from iTunes. Then again, with every passing generation we get ever more dependent on the ease of instant gratification. You want to get ahold of someone? They are summonable from virtually anywhere on the planet at the touch of a few buttons on a cell phone.

This world is fast paced, gimme what I want, get it where you can, flaunt it while you got it, because in about the time it takes to minimize a browser window--it's gone.

So how can we be surprised that relationships are not working--not as successful as they seemed to have been a hundred years ago? It used to be standard for people to fall in love over years of penned correspondence, for crissake. Now that tradition has been transformed--or maybe mutated is a better word. Kids are having entire junior high romances via text. A winking emoticon in first period leads to "going out" by lunch. A series of half speak, misinterpreted short hand and electronic squabbling during gym results in the termination of relationship status on facebook by dinner time.

WTF.

Maybe the issue lies in knowing just how many fish there are in the sea. If any one little thing is wrong with whomever you're with--if any fingernail of doubt digs it's way under that paint chip of happiness it doesn't take much prying to break a chunk loose.

But what if that's alright? What if at this point in human evolution we're starting to learn that the best way to raise a family is by non-traditional means, such as, friendly co-parenting. A man and a woman become pregnant, but are not themselves involved romantically--though they still have the utmost respect and appreciation for the other. They enter into a partnership of parenting where each side trades off equal responsibility and share of the child's life and development. The child has two teams of dedicated parental figures guiding, nurturing, and caring for them without animosity or hostility towards one another. Meanwhile, the parents never get overwhelmed with all the child raising responsibilities because there are two different--separate but equal--teams pinch hitting. This leaves the parents time to pursue their own interests, hobbies, careers, romances, etc when they're "on leave" from active parent duty.

I'm sure, like any scenario, this could turn sour in any number of ways--but it's an interesting idea, I think. It fits better with our ever growing selfishness as a society. Our obsession with this idea of "purity" and what's "right". Instead of considering "traditional" the standard for how to live, perhaps we should think of it more in the way we use the term vintage to describe fashion purchased at Abercrombie and Fitch.