So I just watched this flick called "Crossing Delancey". Aromcom from 88'. Think Sex in the City 80's style and jewish. Successful women in their mid-thirties scrounging the streets of New York for intelligent handsome bachelors that don't seem to exist. The main character is 33, works in a bookstore, and has intense delusions of grandeur. She's fucking a guy who has a wife, lusting after a arrogant author, and shunning an average dowdy jew pickle salesman. But she finds herself developing feelings for the pickleman almost against her will--after she tries to set him up with a friend of hers, that is...Then their burgeoning romance is witnessed by the arrogant author and all the sudden HE'S interested in our wishy washy heroine. Ugh. Does this really work? Is that really how it works? Game playing that is seemingly unconscious in its simplicity.
Disgusting.
Is it a fault of human nature that we don't understand something or someone's worth to us until we see how it is desired by others? Are we all destined to realize what we think we're settling for is really something we should feel lucky to have? That seems like mumbo jumbo to me. I thinking growing to love someone is a different kind of love than instant attraction. Isn't "growing to love" a fancy way of saying "learning to settle"?
I can maybe buy the possibility that you meet someone and feel one way about them (ie unattracted) and then weeks, months or even years later meet them again and it's baking soda and vinegar. But there has to be a separation--you don't hang around this person, become good friends with them and then all of the sudden see them in a different light. You don't go to bed feeling one way and wake up feeling another--I just don't buy it. We're our own worst enemy sometimes when it comes to this. You make a decision about a person--how you feel about them--and that decision sticks to you. It forms and cements how you view them. And once that form has been cemented...
Maybe I've just become callused over the years because of countless fruitless attempts with unrequited love. I've never had a "Some Kind of Wonderful" situation happen. No matter how amazing the object of my affection grew to think I was--it never turned into something romantic. This formula that I thought was fail safe for all these years: become the close friend and confidant of the man you desire and once he sees how great you are he'll fall helplessly in love with you--has always, ALWAYS, failed. You can't make yourself attracted to someone, I get that. All you can do is be honest about how you feel, and maybe try and understand WHY you feel the way you do. Don't hate yourself for loving someone who can't or won't love you back. Just accept it as a reality and try to move past it. Timing is everything. Chemistry is everything. Wishing doesn't bribe cupid's crooked arrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment