AirDate

Why does it feel so "cliche" to want someone to spend your life with these days? Why does it make me feel so secretly defeated to admit that I want a someone to bitch to at the end of the day? I want someone who knows my favorite drink, and how to make it like I like it. Someone whose annoying habits become such a part of my own routine that in their absence I have a hard time figuring out what I'm missing. Why is it that I want to call this person my husband instead of my boyfriend or life partner? Is that the romantic in me that I just can't seem to squash--no matter how much heartbreak I endure?

Listening to NPR the other day, a guy called in telling some holiday tale of horror and described one key player in the story like this:

"My brother--well my wife's sister's husband, I should say, but we're all real close so..."

And I almost teared OVER! What. The. FUCK. It's just some hillbilly Willy talking about how the dog fell out a window and ruined the nativity scene right before the judges came by for the neighborhood contest, what's my problem?!

Am I really one of those crazy ring-chasing label-loving biological time bombs just waiting for someone to steal my last name?

That seems a little hard to believe. I'm not looking for someone to just fill the slot (pun probably intended). I'm looking for that stupid "moment" everyone keeps talking about. That "moment" when you meet someone and it feels different than the other people you've met. Well--a more accurate statement would be that I'm waiting for the guy I have a "moment" with to actually have one back. I'm constantly meeting guys who I think--wahwahweewah! what a great connection we have! I can hardly believe we just met! Or there are fellas on the match.com that look so good on paper I'm almost unnerved by our seeming compatibility. But those situations just end up with me having a crush to get over, and them having the ultimate wing-woman. I know it's all about chemistry and timing and blah blah blah you can't MAKE yourself attracted to someone--but I'm not that hard on the eyes.

I'm so disappointed in the match.com so far. 98% of the guys I get responses from are so unappealing. But that's not just an online phenomenon. On my flight out to Illinois 2 weeks ago I ended up talking to a nice young man, about my age. He was headed to the Moline Quad City airport as well so we walked from one terminal to our connecting gate at the Denver airport together. We were getting along great; joke here, side comment there, I'll-watch-your-stuff-while-you-take-a-piss, etc. Then we get into our career/passions and his response after I reveal I'm an aspiring fiction novelist was, "I don't enjoy reading that doesn't teach me anything, or has no Christian spiritual message."

Thanks for playing. Hats and coats can be picked up on your way out.

I don't mind if we have a difference of opinion--even when it comes to faith--but you have to respect my BELIEF that organized religion is the cause of more evil than good just as I will respect your belief in ancient zombie magic.

What? I'm kidding! (not really)

Christianity has a lot of wonderful principles, and many people wouldn't be able to live in the world without feeling like there's going to be a kick ass after party. Plus, it's a little awe inspiring to talk to someone who has true blind faith. It's just unfortunate that most of these diehard religious fanatics feel that if you're not with them, you're against them. Why can't I believe what I believe and you believe what you believe and we'll all co-exist without harming one another?

Anyway, we've wandered off the selfish topic of my love life so it's time to pull the plug. It's almost 4pm on New Year's Eve and it looks like, again, this will not be the year I get my first New Years Eve kiss. But that's okay, because I don't want just any old smooch. I want the kiss at the end of When Harry Met Sally or An Affair to Remember. Until then.....see you on the other side of 2010.