HoliDAyTE

I can't fuckin' help it--I love the holiday season. Maybe it's that romantic in me clawing her way to the surface having been aroused by the fumes swirling leaves in the air. Or the smog is making me loose my marbles. Either way--I still look forward to this time of year in a bittersweet kind of way. Bittersweet's always been my favorite kind of chocolate, so I don't see why it shouldn't be the same for a life in general.

I love the holidays because I get to see my family, whom I adore, I get to lay around for a week on my parents' couch, eat their food, and drink their top shelf booze. I get to wake up early and have coffee with my dad, and spend the afternoon reading and chatting with mom and Little. I get to sneak up the street, go behind the middle school and smoke a J with Bebe with the snow gently chiding us as it melts on our cheeks. We eat, we drink, we play board games and make each other laugh. But...(now here's where that touch of bitter stirs in) this will my 28th consecutive holiday season as a single.

No matter how content I am with being my own best company throughout the year, the holiday times always seem to punctuate one's solo silhouette. Why does it seem like everyone loves each other just a little bit more around this time of year? We all seem to find an exception for whatever has transgressed because...it's Christmas (Hanukah, Kwanza, etc etc). Or even just because it's the end of the year. Another whole year has come and gone, and we're all looking back, recapping the events, assessing the damages. I can imagine someone's hand feels a smidge snugglier when their fingers are braided with yours while strolling down a chilly leaf strewn street.

All those chestnuts roasting in open fires, hot cocoa, and new years eve countdowns sure make you feel the pressure! But I know I'll have someone to bring home to meet the folks, someday. I'll get to fret over the perfect gift for someone for months and burst with joy when they open it on Christmas morning. And when that New Years Eve countdown gets to 0, someone will get to be my first New Year's kiss. Maybe this year...or maybe not...