Sunday, November 22, 2009

unDATE-able

Holy shit. Maybe it's the two cups of Seattle dark roast, but this morning I've got the jitters. Life jitters. I was watching the latest episode of Glee on the hulu.com the other day, and one of the incidental characters said something to the bitchy main character that really struck a chord.

"You go for men you know are unattainable so that when things don't work out it reaffirms your deep seeded belief that you are unworthy of love."

Wahwahweewah.

Is THAT my problem? Is the reason why I'm 28 years single because subconsciously I believe myself to be unworthy of affection? Secretly my brain is sabotaging my potential love life because it's like Groucho Marx says, "I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that'd have me."

When you start learning life lessons from a TV show, it's time to renew your library card.

I don't think self sabotaging is the issue here. I think part of it is my hardcore realistic brain combating my die hard romantic soul. My soul wants the magical passion of storybook true love, while my brain is constantly rolling its eyes. I feel like when it's "right", you'll know it. It won't be so hard to make things work--in fact, in the beginning, it won't be work at all. You won't have to worry about how much time to allow between emails or txt messages or phone calls. It won't matter if you ask them out or they ask you. There will be no need to decide when is "too early" to sleep together, or on which date it's okay to wear your hair in a ponytail. And my brain goes--fat chance, sucker. Keep holding your breath.

I feel like, for women, it's so much more about the "show" we have to put on. We're the ones painting up our faces, hoisting up our tits, binding our bellies, and hiking up our asses with high heels. What do guys do? Take a shower? Yes, I know some of them worry about what to wear and feel the pressure of how their car and wallet are going to be criticized. But is that really equatable to the hair removal, exercising, and bunions we must endure? Guys will tell you that they don't even LIKE all that presentation bull shit. They love a girl who's comfortable in no makeup, jeans and t-shirt. But what guys don't understand is that even that "natural" look comes out of 15 different cosmetic bottles, a drawer full of designer jeans, and a hundred dollar t-shirt.

Men are always saying that a woman can get laid any day of the week, without even trying. But that's total bull. Anyone can get laid any day of the week, just depends on how low you're willing to stoop. I'm not denying the power that some woman have. Beautiful women will always be powerful. Just as rich men will. And women can be very powerful after they've captured a man's heart--but only after. Until a man has surrendered his love and affection to a person, he's the one who gets to decide. Ugly men with great senses of humor can get gorgeous, smart, intelligent women. Fat, sloppy, arrogant men with money can get gorgeous, smart, intelligent (if not somewhat ruthless) women. The biggest trend in Hollywood right now is the fat, homely, Jewish guy get's the 10 point babe by being a "nice, good hearted, funny guy". Chics can get laid any day of the week...well that's why prostitution is the oldest profession in history.

Of course I'm speaking in generalities, stereotypes, and whatnot--but there's a reason why stereotypes are formed. There are exceptions to everything, ours is a world not etched in black and white. Paul Newman and Joan Woodward were a prime example. But they certainly don't make men like Paul Newman anymore. Maybe women are doomed to settle so that men can be satisfied thinking they've stolen a jewel from another man's crown.

Or maybe you just fall in love with someone and the world melts away around you. One woman's stalker is another woman's Romeo.

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